I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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