youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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