we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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