I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
