i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
