I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
