Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
