He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
