Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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