life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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