Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
