This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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