It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
