I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
