So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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