I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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