yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
