He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
