did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
