Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
