I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
They left me at home... I'm a liability
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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