smell my finger.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
