8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
