DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
