Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
