I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
