my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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