I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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