dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
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