Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
