Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
