I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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