Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
