we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
