Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
