i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
