We're facebook friends in real life
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
