She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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