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I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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