false alarm. still invincible.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
