i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
