A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
