I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
