im gay
i know
yea but for you.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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