Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
