I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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