Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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