I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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