Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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