Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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